Are you an Empath? An Earth Angel? A Light Worker?

Who am I? What’s my purpose? The hardest questions that we’ve ever had to answer. Sometimes I think we only try to answer these questions when we are vibrating incredibly low (like after a break up, or major life trauma), which makes it even more difficult to address. Like Who TF am I? I have no idea! You tell me! And then the cycle starts of allowing other people to determine who we are.

It’s time for each of us to take that power back. We, and only we determine who we are, and what were supposed to do. Yes, like me, you may believe that parts of who you are were predetermined before you were born, but essentially you get to choose whether you engage with that aspect of Self.

I struggled with this at the beginning of this journey (and still do sometimes) because when you open yourself up spiritually there are SO many different gifts, titles, types that can guide you to your soul’s purpose on this earth.

Are you an Empath? a Yogi? A Goddess? A Hippie? An Earth Angel? A Light Worker? An Energy Healer? A Witch? A Teacher? A Spiritual Advisor? A Bohemian? A Guru? A Wanderer? A Psychic? An Intuitive Counsellor? A Clairvoyant? A Medium? A Wild Woman? A Shaman? A Medicine Man?

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In the last 6 months I have opened myself up to the possibility, and explored several of these concepts. I’ll keep it at 3 for now, as these 3 were the eye-opening names I needed to see. Keep in mind that this is a snippet of what I’ve come to learn about this incredibly vast world of purpose. So please comment below, add what you feel drawn to add, or correct me if Google wronged me.

Empath

I was already familiar with the idea of being an empath. A strong sense of empathy is required to work with vulnerable people (including social work – me), so I find that a lot of people in helping professions tend to land on the spectrum of highly sensitive people and empaths. An empath is someone who deeply feels the emotions and energies of other people around them. Empaths will absorb energy from people and environments, and can actually feel the pain other people are experiencing, or have experienced just from hearing their stories. This makes us extremely sensitive and usually quite adverse to being in huge crowds.

This is why the terms “self-care” and “boundaries” are used alllllll the time in social work. And why burnout, compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma are so prevalent. I believe that empaths can be incredible in helping professions (because they have an innate ability to connect with individuals) if they are aware of the impact energy has on them, and are able to set very strong boundaries and participate in heavy self-care rituals. Unfortunately, I was doing these things, but only to a certain extent and that ruined me (or so I thought).

At the time I came to realize that my burnout – my crash – was actually a spiritual calling, I began researching my soul’s purpose. Google was so helpful.

Initially I took a quiz in Emma Mildon’s book The Soul Seacher’s Handbook. I ended up being right on the line in between Earth Angel and Light Worker, both of which resonated nicely in my heart centre.

Earth Angel

Earth Angels are spiritual beings that are born to the earth, and called at a soul level to help humanity. They are “programmed” in a sense – to awaken to their true purpose through different life events. Earth Angels are not used to taking on physical form, as they have lived previously on the psychic and spirituals planes. They are here to help and to inspire others, and teach the message of light, love and peace. Earth Angels are on earth to help raise the vibration of the collective.

Light Worker

Light Workers are healers whose main purpose is to help others find their light. Light Workers hold space for others to be healed through the universal life force energy. They have often experienced their own crises in life and can acknowledge their shadow side. They have been “recharged” through a strong spiritual awakening. A Light Workers may also be called an Energy Healers or a Reiki Practitioners.


Sooo that’s where I started. Was I going around telling everyone that I’m an Earth Angel? Absolutely not. But I was inspired and I started exploring my intuition, my “abilities” if you will. I was reading about the spiritual realms and how I could connect with my true purpose. The answers that continued to be shown to me were to meditate daily, to use crystals regularly, to ask for guidance and to explore different divination tools (like pendulums or tarot cards). And to pray, or at least talk to my angels if “praying” doesn’t sit well with you – although if you are here reading about spirituality and universal energy, praying shouldn’t be what stands out as weird to you.

Every day I asked how I could serve for my higher purpose. How I could step in to my purpose and shine like I felt I needed to. I asked to be guided, shown, activated – whatever! I begged for this. And then I always said Thank you. Always.

I had some really intense spiritual moments when I begged like this. One time when I asked what my purpose was I heard “to teach”, and when I asked what I heard “about me”. Another time I pulled cards and out dropped “Workshops and Seminars” and “You are a Powerful Light Worker”. I cried… A lot. As I learn more about myself, I find my purpose shifts a little and as long as I keep going back to asking for that guidance and reassurance that I’m on the right path I am totally okay with that.

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If I can offer any advice, even as a new journeyor, don’t get caught up in the labels. They were helpful to me at the beginning because it gave me direction, it helped me to understand that I wasn’t the only person going through this. Do your research, find people that inspire you but remember this is your journey. You can be/do whatever you need to. Whatever you feel drawn to. You may have gifts that have yet to be discovered. Let spirit show you where you need to be. Your potential is endless. ✌️💖

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Tarot Told Me To Leave My Partner

The first time I bought cards it was this Tarot Basics box. I was starting fresh – total newbie, purchasing a how-to book on top of that, as I didn’t know the box would come with a learning guide. I was a little messy at the time too ok? Don’t judge.

It had been about a month since I started a disability leave at work, and since my partner had cheated. She and I had just celebrated a rather awkward Christmas and New Years with our families and had decided on New Years day that it was best if she stayed with her parents for a day or two. My understanding was that she was going to figure out if she could actually commit to me. That’s how much I allowed other people to determine my path. She cheated, and I asked her to figure out if she could commit 🤔. We humans are a little loopy.

Anyways, she had been there two days so far and, it was a Wednesday (hump day – go figure – you’ll get the idea), I decided that I was going to treat myself to a new book and some sushi. I ended up in the New Age section at Chapters – all oogley eyed and inspired -and came across these Tarot cards. I figured it would be a fun way to entertain myself until my partner returned home (I told you I was messy). I also found Emma Mildon’s “The Soul Searchers Handbook”. It brought tears to my eyes! This was exactly the type of guide I was looking for.

Last night I did everything I was supposed to. I cleansed (or cleared) the cards, I consecrated them with my energy, I held them to my heart and bestowed blessings and intentions and I did a reading. I chose The Oracle Spread.

 

The Oracle Spread is 3 cards. The left card is the present problem, the middle card is the way out, and the third card (on the right obviously) is the future if you are prepared to follow that path. I asked a pretty basic question about what to do with my relationship and literally everything screamed RUN! 

 

  1. Present Problem: a farewell. Great danger of being sold short or cast as an extra. Current issue demands a lot of effort – putting down inner roots in order to scale greater heights in outward life.
  2. Way Out: end of a journey or eternal repetition or vicious cycle. Discover your personal values and what is truly essential for you.
  3. The Future: rebirth. Bury what is dead and be open to receive what is to come. Learn to forgive without forgetting. Draw the line.

-journal entry Jan 2018

I didn’t trust them, or maybe I did, and I just refused to follow through with the guidance. You see, at this point I knew deep down that my relationship was over. But I wasn’t quite ready to give up the fairy tale I had created in my mind. So much of reading cards is intuition. I knew what these cards were telling me right away and I chose to ignore them. I wasn’t quite ready to make such a big decision for myself. So I allowed my mind to race through all the possibilities of becoming a stronger couple, of being fought for and adored wholeheartedly. But it didn’t feel natural.

I woke up the next morning and cried. I cried for a sign – any sign – of what to do.  Not even five minutes later I found out that my partner had cheated again. While I was doing my card reading, she was “reading” someone else… if you know what I mean 😉 Now, this is not intended to make my ex out to be a terrible person – she isn’t. She was struggling just as I was. Though I don’t agree with the way in which things ended, I do believe they were meant to end between us. And maybe this was the only way my stubborn ass would let go of the fairy tale. I had fought against the universe for awhile. And I’ve heard it a few times that the universe will show you gentle sings, if you don’t listen they’ll give you a little nudge, or two, and if you still don’t listen you will get a good smack. I got smacked.

And back to the actual point… my first experience with Tarot was incredibly accurate, and that hasn’t changed since!! It continues to get stronger as I become familiar with the cards, and as I choose decks that I am drawn to. I have had some really cool experiences where I end up in a puddle of tears because I am so mesmerized. The cards never cease to bring me hope, validation and encouragement. Sometimes they knock me down a peg or two, but to me its like a best friend telling you the raw, hard truth, even though you don’t want to hear it. The divine messages that come through these cards are only meant to lead you to your highest good.

I really like keeping a diary of my readings because there are times I still rebel against them and choose not to listen. When I find myself wondering where things went wrong I can look back in my diary and see that it was me pushing against the grain again, and not following the guidance the universe provides. Essentially these readings allow my trust in the universe to grow, and my trust in my own intuition ❤️✌️


🌸 Spreads I Enjoy 🌸

  • I like the spread Tiffany Maloney discussed a few years ago in this blog;

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-18172/how-to-do-a-basic-tarot-reading-for-yourself-or-a-friend.html

  • And here are a few of my favourite spreads I found on Pinterest;

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Free Spirit? or just “Too Weird”?

At what point did being different become a bad thing? 

At what point did we start to believe there was no magic in the world, that unicorns and mermaids don’t exist?

At what point did we start judging people for interests different than our own? Or worse yet, judging and persecuting ourselves for having interests beyond the norm…  Like crystals? Or dream catchers? Or even fortune tellers?

At what point did we start to believe witches were scary? And angels weren’t real?

At what point did “free spirit” turn in to “too weird”?

There is a point when all of this happens – when we are asked to stop being an intuitive, curious and carefree child and we start to turn away from our true selves. We start judging ourselves, and carry judgment for others.  Inevitably we push away so many things that we are designed to love – designed to bring us to our higher purpose.

But why? Why is being authentically ourselves so difficult to do once we hit a certain age? Fear.

I’ve noticed that the things that have stayed in my mind, the things I’ve pushed down so hard from a young age, are the things that I’m most reluctant to now, BUT they are also the things I am getting the most healing from. Like crystal shops, the new age section in the bookstore, Reiki…

I had been so drawn to these things from a very young age. I pushed them away because they were too “out there” for me. In the last few months its as if my body started screaming for them, and when I caved (and pushed aside any fears) I used these things to heal, and I continue to do so.

So think about it? What (where/who) is something you’ve been feeling pulled towards lately that you are reluctant to pursue? Is there any connection from your childhood? And why haven’t you just done it yet??

Follow what you are drawn to, despite judgment, despite fear. Maintain a curious, intuitive and carefree attitude. It could change your life ❤️✌️

Emotional Buckets: is yours full?

My best friend recently taught her 3 year old about her “emotional bucket”. She told her that we all have emotional buckets and its our job to keep them full. Sometimes things can happen and the bucket empties a little bit, but its important to find things (like hugs and colouring) that can fill your bucket back up.

I wish she had shared this wisdom with me too. Though I’m sure even if she had I wouldn’t have listened because I was “fine”. It took me several hard smacks to realize I wasn’t, and then it sunk in that my bucket had been empty for a long time. Fortunately I realized this before it had any major impact on my clients. Me and my life, on the other hand, took a much harder hit.

So what does an empty bucket look like for a helping professional? It looks like burnout. It looks like compassion fatigue. It looks like vicarious trauma. And it can literally happen to anyone… yes, even you.

Symptoms that I have (finally) recognized;

  • Emotional exhaustion
  • Withdrawal from family, friends and activities which bring joy
  • Cynicism/Hopelessness
  • Detachment
  • Lack of concentration and focus
  • Increased illness; headaches, heartburn, back pain
  • Increased absence from work
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Irritability
  • Poor job satisfaction
  • Poor self-image, self-worth
  • Loss of pleasure in life/relationships
  • Disinterest in intimacy
  • Feeling burdened by others
  • Loss of sense of spirituality
  • Work-related nightmares, or even consistent dreams about work
  • Mood swings
  • Greater sense of fear
  • Prolonged sadness
  • Feeling of numbness

And please believe me, it was much harder admitting that I was suffering from these, than it was to suffer ignorantly. Even now, having this written out in front of me makes me really sad. There is a lot on this list that I am still battling every single day, even though I have been off work for months and I’m no longer experiencing a crisis of faith.

I wish that I could have been one of those people that can catch when their attitude, or behaviour is changing and nip it in the bud right then and there. Please be one of those people if any of those symptoms resonate with you. Develop a self-care plan and STICK TO IT. Go the therapy (stop bottling those emotions – you aren’t saving anyone by doing that), set really strong boundaries – even if it feels mean. Exercise, meditate, journal, take a friggen break and TALK TO PEOPLE. Maybe even do a bit of listening, your family and friends may realize more than you know.

For me, I believe this journey needed to happen this way. I’m a stubborn person, and I think it took me falling this hard, being pushed right to my limit, for me to finally wake up. I believe that the universe knew it was time for me to lose everything, including any belief I had in something greater. I believe that everything in my life needed to be shaken up so that I could piece things together, find myself, my purpose. It happened for my highest good. That doesn’t mean that I don’t suffer today. I still have difficulty getting out of bed most of the time, I cry uncontrollably when returning to work is brought up, I have terrible mood swings… But this outlook literally saved my life.

And slowly but surely I’m working on refilling my bucket.

❤️✌️

The Start of “Something more than Ordinary”…

Fun fact: some “guided” retreats are also “silent” retreats. I had no idea, and considering this was my first retreat ever, I really had no clue what to expect. I arrived on the Friday, everyone ate dinner and shared stories as to why this retreat came at the perfect time in their lives; most women already knew each other, so you can imagine the blow my pride took the next morning when I was greeting everyone with a cheery “Good Morning”, and no one replied. In fact, they all stared at the ground as they passed by. I couldn’t imagine what I had done to upset all of them so much, and instantly I was beating myself up. They hate you. They think you shouldn’t be here. This was a mistake. My self worth was non existent, and I was so vulnerable to other peoples’ impressions of me, even if they were perceptions of impressions.

Once I clued in to the fact that it was a silent retreat, and people weren’t actually being incredibly rude, I was able to appreciate the solitude. I stood in awe of the picturesque sky starting out over the lake, the birds flying overhead and disappearing into the distance. But in all this beauty, I could not stop my mind from going a mile a minute.

I was worried about work and my relationship. I could not wrap my head around why my life was turning out this way. Why was I being stripped of everything I loved, everything that I knew? I questioned my belief in a higher power so much that weekend. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of a man with a white beard, or with any sort of sin list – considering I could easily check off over half of any list you presented to me. But I was desperate to find something, anything to believe in. I knew I wouldn’t last long if I stayed where I was.

I believe now that that “something” actually led me to this retreat. I didn’t want to go, I had originally called (only a few days prior) for my partner to go and there was one spot left. Was it fate?

“Something more than Ordinary. That’s their tagline at this retreat centre. Isn’t it exactly what I’m searching for? Something not so mundane and routinely? Something that speaks to me on a deeper level and brings some peace while encountering the chaos that is “just a regular, ordinary life”. 

Maybe there are other ways to connect and get to know God that have nothing to do with going to church. I’m sure there are. Even being here, Sister Jane has never said the word “God”, she uses the word “Divine”…”

My heart knows I am loved. My head, chatter from others, books people have written try to confuse me, to sell me on untruths. But if I am still, and I am listening, this is a matter of the heart – not the head. The sunsets here are incredible. There is something about the sun setting on the lake that is just so magical. For the first time this weekend I can say that I’m connecting with the theme – Wrapped in Wonder. Looking out at the burning red sun and the ripples from the water radiating that warmth, I feel energy around me, and all the wonder that it brings. I’ve come to discover that I am Wrapped in the Wonder of Creation – nature. This is where my peace is. Any time I am near a lake, I feel it very strongly. It was hard to connect with being wrapped in wonder of my being this morning, probably because I’m being very hard on myself lately. But I find such peace in nature – creation. It’s indescribable, and it’s so real.

Reading back in my journal now it just amazes me the tiny little nudges, hints, signs that I was getting from above. Very few that I was able to catch on to at the time. People would look at that and say yes, it’s fate. I would say that it’s Divine timing. That’s the thing about a journey right? It’s all about timing. Nothing happens when you want/expect it to, it happens when it’s meant to. And there is always learning being done along the way, whether you like it or not.

It was at this retreat, sorrounded by silence, that I decided to be honest.

I wrote down a list of my symptoms and I went to my doctor. That may seem ridiculous to you, but I knew that if I didn’t write everything down and actually put the paper in his hand, I would have lied – to him, and to myself. He started the process for a short term disability leave from work before I could even gather the courage to admit that I didn’t feel competent to work with individuals, especially individuals who are incredibly vulnerable. As a social worker, it was my duty to be open and honest about my shortcomings. Too often I see people pushing past their warning posts, for what? That has absolutely no benefit to the clients! It is so important to admit that we are suffering – we are not super human! It is so easy for anyone in a helping profession to push themselves to the side, to look at other peoples struggles and instantly minimize their own.

Often we are afraid of how others might judge us. I know I was – my manager might think I’m weak and shouldn’t be working here, my parents will think I’ve failed, my co-workers will never trust me… When it got to the point for me that I felt like I was either going to end up in the hospital or face these fears, I chose to just deal. And for the most part, the response was the complete opposite than I had expected. Yet another shift were seeing in the universe – people are more and more open-minded when it comes to mental health. So let’s keep talking about it!!

✌️❤️