I surprised myself after the break up. I hadn’t really cried. I was sad, and I was mad. But I dealt with these things as I normally do, I let them go, brushed them off. I let them go because I refused to let them impact my spiritual progress (little did I know that was doing the opposite). I wondered if this was normal. If it was too simple. If it was even addressing the issue. I asked my therapist if I was dealing with things properly…
This question turned in to a long conversation about processing emotions. And even after I went home I opened up my Instagram and it seemed that every other post on my feed was speaking to me about this. Go figure we’re all human.
Here’s five general points that sat well with me, and still do…
1) Throughout our lives we create blockages in our bodies with the energy from feelings that have not been processed. These turn in to impressions (beliefs about ourselves or others) which can get stimulated by events, people, “triggers” essentially, and end up creating fears, negative feelings of self doubt etc…
2) When we encounter a new event that causes emotions to arise, and we need to keep our heart open, so not to create another blockage (because no one wants a blockage!). We have to allow the emotion to work it’s way through our bodies, and channel directly through our heart centres (be it sadness, anger, disappointment, worry etc…).
3) It can be a painful process, frankly it hurts like hell and feels like you’re going to drown in a puddle of tears, and it is necessary. How many times have you “dealt” with your feelings around something just to see the same thing pop up again and again and again? The more we try to suppress our feelings, distract ourselves by saying we’ll deal with it another day, the harder it gets to actually process it effectively. And when it already hurts like hell you don’t want to make it any worse.
4) There is a huge difference between allowing emotions or feelings to channel through your heart, and sitting in your shit. I tell myself it is completely healthy and okay to sit in “victim-mode” and grieve for a certain amount of time – be it an hour, or a day depending on the level of emotion I’m feeling – and then that’s it. I release it. I refuse to let that emotion or thought bog me down any longer. I refuse to become it. I refuse to become the thoughts that arise from the emotion. That’s just plain toxic.
5) Processed or – even better- released emotions can become powerful motivators for positive change. Instead of being stuck in a never ending cycle of bullshit, process your emotions, allow them to channel through you. With this experience of purification, and releasing of blockages you open yourself up to the universal flow of energy. This is when the healing takes place. When we allow the energy to travel to our heart, our soul is there to meet it, and our soul holds the answers.
So how do you do this? I sat in my basement apartment, locked the door, grabbed a tea and I started writing. I sat with myself for hours, and I wrote and cried, and wrote mean things (which I later burnt) and cried, and wrote all of the feelings I was ashamed to admit and cried some more. I called my mom and was grateful that she created space for me to continue crying, to vent, and then to be comforted. I asked her to tell me everything would be okay. I knew in my heart that it would be (that’s the key to not sitting in your shit) but I needed her to say it.
Essentially I gave myself permission to feel. To REALLY FEEL.
****There may be some of you reading this that don’t feel safe allowing yourself to fully feel, and please know that’s ok. Maybe its not time yet, or maybe you can talk to someone about how to create a safe space for you to do this.
It’s important to find a way that works specifically for you. It will look different for everyone. Maybe you need to listen to sappy love songs, or loud screamer songs. Maybe you need to go to a rage room, or just call a close friend that allows you to vent fully without judgment. Maybe you need to do some painting, or go sit near the lake. Whatever it looks like, when the tears start flowin, DON’T STOP THEM! Allow them – give yourself permission to feel them. Pay attention to how the energy feels making it’s way through your body, and in to your heart. Once it’s in your heart your soul will know when it’s ready to be released ❤✌